you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
