Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
