brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
