i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize