i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
