trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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