I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
