yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I skipped work to stalk him.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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