why didn't you poke me back
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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