Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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