then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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