So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
