Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
