the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
