i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Randomize
