If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
