I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We had to coat check the pizza.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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