peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
