Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
