I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
