got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
