covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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