Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
