I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
