I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize