I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
