why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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