ADVERTISEMENT

• (818): View more from California

  he got wood on it!

  (408): View more from California

  i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.

  (818): View more from California

  ...i was talking about hockey

  Fav 3 1054 1166

  share tweet
  

• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  Really.

  Fav 101 10829 3428

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (727): View more from Florida

  There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"

  Fav 13 2611 1237

  share tweet
  

• (517): View more from Michigan

  I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?

  Fav 8 3868 1101

  share tweet
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.

  Fav 5 1781 855

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.

  Fav 13 4108 1160

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (208): View more from Idaho

  Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing

  Fav 7 606 1089

  share tweet
  

• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.

  Fav 7 885 1586

  share tweet
  

• (404): View more from Georgia

  Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."

  (404): View more from Georgia

  BAT SHIT CRAZY

  (404): View more from Georgia

  It's you're fault, even though I never called

  Fav 2 906 574

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.

  Fav 0 710 510

  share tweet
  

• (225): View more from Louisiana

  Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.

  Fav 3 851 616

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there

  Fav 7 645 785

  share tweet
  

• (315): View more from New York

  But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?

  Fav 2 210 181

  share tweet
  

• (314): View more from Missouri

  No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.

  Fav 0 77 15

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (916): View more from California

  I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol

  Fav 0 54 6

  share tweet
  

Randomize