but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
