As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
