the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize