I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
