Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
