Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
