Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
