By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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