So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
