whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
