Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
