i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
