I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize