he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dear god my vagina.
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