i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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