omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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