the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
