she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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