I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
