I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize