everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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