I just cut my nipple shaving
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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