you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
