im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
