How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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