Apparently you make a good broom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize