dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Did I show you my penis last night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
