He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Randomize
