I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
no, he came in my armpit
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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