Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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