It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
