Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
