remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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