I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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