I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
