i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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