She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize