I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
