that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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