There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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