Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
