It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
