it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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