No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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