I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
