You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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