he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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