i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
