I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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