So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize