I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
