I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
