I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
