Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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