Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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