There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize