he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
