Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
