there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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