Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
