yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
