thus making me awesome and them whores
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
