woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
