I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
