i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
