Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
