i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
