Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize