at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
