her vagine was all disorganized.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
