Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
